In the midst!!!

Today got some flu and body was weak. And when i'm sick i always have lot of thoughts. Why like this?? I don't know. Everytime my blog is sharing people story and sometime include little bit of mine. Sometime craps too. Oh..and sometime mix feeling.And lot of other sometimes... But this time really true from me.

I've always have a beautiful friendship but i think maybe now one piece of it i've lost. Is not complete anymore. This 2 months my mind was keep thinking the same thing except at work. Is my first time to cry becos of friendship. And is my first time to feel the lost of security in my friendship.

Sometimes i really want to spread it at blog, at least there are some place for me to release. But i'm worry that after people read my blog they do really believe in it. Then things happen. Then why like this...why like that. So sometimes i do not type in. But.. why they choose to believe a blog than not choosing to trust the one standing in front of them. Why they dont think the reason behind of it but only keep saying to you " You wrong".

Lot of promises that ive made and i cant or i could say i won't break it. If i break it, isnt it i become someone that could not be trust? Someone told me " You should say it!" But i've promise the other one i wont say. So should i say? Isnt it confuse?? I'm confuse.

Some people says too " If you think is right, then just do it or say it" but before you do or you say it have you ever think that will the things you do or you say affect others? Okay...i know im consider too much of those unnecessary when doing a things. But i was merely not to hurt anyone. But who knows? Cos in the end, they will just only say " You wrong"

The friends that could really knew me, i can say it can be counted by hands. Not much.
After fight with friends, how many of you can be friends again? And say "I trust you"? Not much.

Some people says or think about me " Why you so fake?" I have my reason why. Why i have my reason? Bcos i don't want to hurt anybody. When I say "becos i don't want to hurt anybody" i'm sure some of you may think " ahh..don't give lame excuses!" All i want to say was this is not a lame excuses. If it so, straight forward i will do it in front of you. Those who know me, they knew i would.

I have a complicated feeling in me this 2 months. Should or should not to admit that this friendship is over or not. But the "not willing" will is stronger than "willing" will. Bcos my beautiful moments with them is over than the unhappy ones.

Although i know we have our separate ways now, but still they are the one that would always in my prayers. Still you all are The One.

Truly,
Maye