This is all I ever wanted!!!

After knowing the story, it wasn’t the feel I was expected. It wasn’t the feel that I want though I had lot of despair in between. Seeing and knowing the closest to you in sad, is just like someone cutting my flesh from my body. Pain and heartache.

Both are my dearest and closest to me. In between I could only listen. Sitting beside quietly. Try to be a happy gal not to let you all worry. But deep in me is crying. I’m crying that I could not do anything except sitting beside. Feel that you are not ok but still smiling and listen at you. Try to talk some jokes just only hope could get a smile from you. Wanted to help but couldn’t. Helping on either right or left side would only create not fair. So what could I do? Standing in between to let them lie on when they need. Don’t know which and where should I head to.

Trying few times telling myself, not to contact, not to care but I just couldn’t do it. Feel sorry to all my other besties cos I didn’t really hold the promise that I made to you all. I really couldn’t bear not to care and not to contact. Couldn’t let go my hand when you seeing them falling in front of your eyes.

These few weeks I do feel that I’m being used than rather being cherished. It really grew stronger each day. I hate to have this thinking but I couldn’t lie to myself that it wasn’t there. I knew, I’m too over care about it so when the bad reflects to me, I was feeling being pull down. I knew it before it happens! But yet I’m still willingly to hold on it and trust it that it will over soon. Even I know very clear I didn’t stand in a space no matter how much I do. And I’m not calculating how much I do but just to let you know that I’m still here watching from far. Walk up and pull you up when you fall. To some people, you might think this is stupid action and thoughts but to me it is very dearest. Where are the promises that you all make earlier? Where are those happy moments that both of you share? Had forgotten all that? Right?

Didn’t know when I will be leaving Melaka and heading to Penang. I know I keep repeating this yet I still in Melaka now. Just to remind me so that I could cherish every day in Melaka. Till then I couldn’t like now to be with my closest one frequently. I don’t want miss any chance where I can be with them closely. When there is slim of chances, I will be there with them.

I do pray to God everyday that everyone beside me is happy especially those who closest to me. People do have hard time included you and me. But do remember there is a person standing somewhere corner of your heart are smiling and watching over you. That person has only wants one thing from you. Give yourself a smile when you are in pain. Only a happy smile could make everything to straight. That is all she ever wished and wanted.

Somehow there are things that she’s not able to help you but she wants you to handle the problem with care and rationally. Why? Cos she wants you to understand that no one can handle other people’s life, except you, yourself. Where else she only could listen and sitting beside you. Friends won’t be sticking together forever. The things that will always sticking together are the bond of friendship. One day everyone would leave, she hopes by the time she is leaving, you had already know how to take care of yourself. Till then she know you will be safe. That is all she ever wished and wanted.

And I will be the person.

Not to care, give up and Why? Why? Why?! These words seem familiar to you? Yes of course. It always could be seen in my blog and facebook shout out. That was just a way to let me release my grumble. Who doesn’t have hard times right? (again)

Only then, so many despair, crying and angry, my grumble or other peoples grumble, there's only one and only thing that i wanted to see. You all are happy and safe everyday.

That is all I ever wanted.

(P/S: Hope I can see you and you happy smiling soon)

Love,
Maye